My coworker (and friend) at work and I often have those Friday conversations I’m sure are typical at most workplaces. “Got any plans for the weekend?” And often I talk about dinner with friends, or catching up over coffee, a hike, some household tasks, studying, seeing my dad, etc. But as these conversations have grown and morphed over the last several months (whaaaaat? It’s been that long??) we’ve come to find that she has few friends, and she categorizes me into “having a bunch”. I’m not sure what constitutes “a bunch” but I digress.
I have always been a highly social person. Whether with family or friends (and to some extent strangers who have then become friends). It’s part of who I am. Though he’d deny it, much of that derives from my dad. I am a true extrovert. I thrive on interactions with others. Though I’m an HSP and empath so it is also very effing draining as well. A constant battle for sure. What wins out goes in waves. But I’ve learned over my 30+ years (and even more so during the pandemic) that I need to be intentional about the time I spend with others and who gets access to me. And even though I’ve learned, I don’t always make the best and healthiest decisions in this realm. But I try. As you may have read in previous posts, I’ve let romantic relationships (situationships?) take precedence and this has been detrimental and somewhat demeaning. But I know I need to create those communities that I need and crave. And so I put in the effort.
So what do adult friendships look like (for me)?
- Weekly texts with my dear friend in Spain.
- Haphazard texts and phone calls with my longest term friend—since 1st grade??? 🤯
- Daily (or almost) texts with my best friend.
- Monthly dinners with some special couples.
- Bimonthly book club.
- Intentional check-ins with three ladies who just “get” me. And organizing times to hang, hike, frolic, eat, bitch, etc.
- Coffee dates and park dates with friends and their kids.
- Dinner and drinks shenanigans with my free spirit animal. How’s that for a ‘before and after’ Pat Sajak?
- FaceTimes with family.
- Seeing family friends once in a while, or when they are in town, or I’m in their town.
- Phone dates with my house mom.
- Random drop ins on my secondary dad.
- Notes and texts when something makes me think of someone.
- Holiday get togethers.
I’m sure there are things I’m missing…but I guess the moral here is that people are important to me. And it is hard for me to let people go. Even the people I know I should. So I make it a point to keep connecting. Because it’s what I need, and I hope it’s what they need too.