Who Knew

There was a side of my mom that very few people knew. You had to traverse past the RBF, and deeper than the heightened intelligence. And there in, neatly tucked away you would find her silly side. I can’t even encapsulate exactly what this was like, or how it presented differently than the laughter and joie de vivre found in most people. She was, by far, one of my favorite people to joke with. I can remember moments with just the two of us, and belly laughing for hours. I can remember stories and feeling the ache in my side from the hilarity. Though many saw her as serious, stoic, and perhaps abrasive—there was much more to her. And I miss that. Sure, each of the three of us carry it on inside or us. But what I wouldn’t give to just sit and giggle with her. Today sucks, but in every way I can, I choose to find joy.


By happenstance, two of the recent books I’ve listened to on audiobook have been about some sort of conservation. One about trees (no surprise there) and one about wolves (which also talks a lot about trees). It’s made me think pretty deeply about my own life. What do I actually think about conservation? About the environment? About caring for the land? I’m not sure I know. Someone I dated a few years ago was a stickler for conservation. If he could have, he would have lived off of the land. Who knows, maybe he is doing just that. But it definitely skewed my perspective during those few months. But it didn’t stick. It was conservation by association of some such instead of me actually subscribing to my actions and making them long term. Funny how people change us. Or rather, funny how we change ourselves for others (whether in small or big ways).

We aren’t owed anything. We owe a lot for our actions though. This last book talked about how we could be doing much more for our planet and our world if we just chose to “rewild”. And I wonder what that looks like. It the sense of the book, it means going back to basics and living a more sustainable and simple life. But I wonder what the rewilding looks like in other areas of our lives as well, and not just in terms of conservation. In what places of my life do I need to rewild and once I do, what does that look like and how do I maintain it? As a highly introspective person, it almost comes as a shock to me that I have a different perspective on something deeply personal. But it is a direction I am pursuing during this early part of Lent. And honestly, I like having an introspective direction. Perhaps part of Christ’s own journey held elements of rewilding as well. A rewilding that took him away from the thoughts of his society. A rewilding that allowed him to subsist in the desert. A rewilding that gave him deep insight into the animalistic actions/reactions of his Disciples.

I don’t know much, but a quick Google search shows this book as part of the rewinding endeavor. And boy, everything about it makes me want to give it a read. Perhaps it is next.