I’ve been thinking a lot about why we do what we do. How we choose one thing over another. Why we prioritize what we do. And much about it is due to convenience. Whether in our daily lives, the work that we do, or the relationships that we create. We live in a world that has slipped into instant gratification. We order our groceries online to be picked up at a time that we are available. We order food to go, or to be delivered directly to our doorsteps. We respond to texts and emails and phone calls when we “have” the time. We choose where we put our energy. Don’t get me wrong, you should be picky and choosy with where you put your energy. But what you choose says a lot about you. There is no shame in the chooses you make. And what conveniences you allow into your life. Because you do what you think is best for you. Convenience has its place. But inconvenience, that says something too. It shows where your priorities lie, what is truly important to you. The inconveniences are the things that you fight for, sacrifice for, truly align with on a deeper level.

And so I am choosing to find joy in the inconveniences in my life. The reminders that to get something worthwhile and substantive I often have to dig deep(er). That I am unwilling to be a part of a friendship or relationship that is merely built (or dictated) by how convenient it is for the other person. That my choices and my alignment is driven by my core. Sometimes its okay to give in to the conveniences in our lives. But most times, I seek to live a life of meaning. And that means constantly assessing what is important and takes precedence in my life, putting those things first and working with my whole heart and soul to commit.

I am meant for more:

• more than just quick fixes and instant gratification, I need long term plans and goals.
• more than the on/off convenience that someone else choose, I need consistency and reassurance.
• more than just a “sure” or “I guess” or other forms of apathy, I need to prioritized and be prioritized.
• simply put, I am meant for more than some are willing to give, I need to stick around those unwilling.

I want more than convenience. I want to choose things and people because they make my heart sing. I want to show dedication and commitment and love. I want to value and be valued. But in order for that to be true, I have to stick to my boundaries (it’s hard, it’s really hard). There’s a sweet spot in life. A place where you continually figure it what you want, what’s important, what’s not. It changes as you change. But there comes a point where you won’t put up with the same shit as you used to, but you also won’t settle for the boring. You wade through what’s in front of you and keep looking for the sweet spot. And one day, you find it. You find it more each day, little by little.