Sometime you have to make really tough decisions. You know in your bones it’s the decision you need to make, and you put it off or avoid it. You try and hold on to the last little sparkling piece of “what was”, the last of a really good feeling. But once the need or decision is verbalized, it starts slipping through your fingers and you can’t hold on any longer.

I truly believe people come into our lives to teach us something. Maybe just for a moment, maybe for a longer piece of time. Perhaps they teach us a lesson, or remind us something about ourselves. Perhaps they champion us or show us things we don’t want. Perhaps they just give us company along the way. But they make a ripple and we are left forever not the same.

For me it’s easy to care about those people. Really, any of the people who come into my life and stick around for more than a couple of days. I invest in others quickly, and oftentimes very deeply. That’s part of my own personal and unique empathic ability. And when it gets to the point when someone needs to exit my life, it hurts and I struggle. Even when my intuition tells me it is coming or needs to happen, it’s hard. Sometimes I do everything I can to avoid letting it happen. Even when that is more hurtful than just letting go.

I was talking to one of my dearest friends yesterday about how you can me happy and overwhelmed. Or joyful and tired. Etc. and I’ve found that this and concept applies here too. Because I can care about these people and know I need to walk away/not engage/move on. Perhaps I’ll come back to them some day, perhaps our paths will cross again. Or maybe not, maybe this was the only entrance and exit on the stage that is my life. I suppose only time will tell.

But what I realized last night as I contemplated what I wanted and what I needed, I realized that “waiting to see if we could be friends” was not going to work. Because I’d end up with the same answer I have now. It isn’t. It can’t. And in this knowing I feel content. Even though it’s hard, I know I did what had to be done. I did it for me.

It’s been ten years since I started a new job. I think part of me forgot what that’s like. Ten years since I’ve had to ask a load of questions every five seconds. Ten years since I’ve felt like all I’m doing is making mistakes. Ten years since I’ve been a fish out of water just trying to swim. It’s frustrating. And exhausting. And there are points I want to throw in the towel.

But then I remember why I’m doing it: the kids. What I do is for them. And though I haven’t met many of my students yet, I care about them and helping them achieve all of their goals. It’s been a tough month. But leaving my old position wasn’t difficult. And those who have always supported me still do. I like a challenge. There is much work to be done as we head to the beginning of school.

I don’t know what the future holds. That’s part of being human. But I know I’m full of tenacity (Janca and Ebitz didn’t call me “spitfire” for nothing). And with that drive I can accomplish great things and keep spreading light to those around me, especially my kiddos. I’m thankful for a supportive family. I have wonderful friends. And dang, what a wonderful new boss I have.