No Beginning, No End

I’m not sure I know what I want anymore. Yes, life is an endless circle of finding and refinding yourself. But I have to remind myself often to pause on that journey. Because if you only focus on growth, you won’t leave much time for living. And what is life if you aren’t living?

At one point, even recently, I was sure footed in what I wanted out of this life. Now I’m not sure. I’ve taken a moment to just breathe, to look at the things I’ve pursued or am actively pursuing. And I’ve wondered if any of it is still serving me. I don’t have an answer for that just yet.

I think the lesson here is that it’s okay to change. It’s okay to grow. It’s okay to not know what’s next. It’s okay to feel like you have no direction. It’s okay to be uncertain if what you are getting is enough, or is what you want. It’s okay to be confused and question. It’s simply okay.

And maybe, just maybe, for the first time in a long time—I’m just supposed to lean I. To the unknowing. Maybe this is the first time is so long that my faith and spirituality is supposed to lead me. Perhaps that is the lesson.

And though I feel lost at times, I am learning more and more what I don’t want. I am learning to trust my self. I am learning that love means so many things. I am learning to not turn a blind eye.