Let me “college” nerd out here for a second. Do you remember when you (or your child, maybe) were applying to colleges/universities and there were two options in addition to the regular May 1st deadline? Early decision meant you were bound to go to that school if you got in and your deposit was non-refundable. Early action meant that you applied at the same time as ED but you could pull out and be refunded if you wanted even after gaining admission to the school. I think life has some similar themes about it. Our actions versus our decisions.
I just finished reading “The Midnight Library” by Matt Haig. I’m reading it for Book Club and one of my friends from the group told me it gave her a new perspective on life and the universe. And she thought it would resonate with me as well. It sure did. There have been regrets in my life. Evaluations of which things I could have done better or which things I would have done differently. My actions I can change, I can choose differently. My decisions I can’t change, they are set in stone. You can learn from the past. You can take a new path. You can shift; evolve. You learn from where you’ve been, you do the best with the info you had at each individual moment. You move forward and grow, continually, into yourself. And there are so many iterations of who that you is.
There are things I regret. But less so now. There are things I have played over and over in my brain thinking I’ll get to a different outcome or better understanding of what the hell happened. But it doesn’t matter. It won’t change, and I can’t glean anything else. And so I will make that best choices here and now and moving forward. I will be me.