Lent: Day Four

I feel like my world has been overtaken by babies. My childhood bestie had a baby last Fall. And our other good friend had a baby around the same time. There have been a couple of babies born at church in the last six months. My college best friend is pregnant again. My cohort bestie is pregnant. There is ongoing conversation about whether or not my sister and brother in law will adopt. I know several people who are “trying”. It’s everywhere. And it makes me incredibly happy. But also, I have to say it makes me a little sad as well.

I’ve always said that I wanted children. For as long as I can remember. But when after what I, and my sisters, went through with our mom I vowed not to have children too late in life. And each day I inch towards that cut off time. I haven’t picked something firm, it’s more of an intuitive feeling–I’ll know when we are too far gone for it to be a thing anymore. Who knows what will happen. But until then, I will keep enjoying the time with babies of friends and family. I will enjoy the interactions I get with youth and children at work and the kiddos of family friends. I will revel in the joy that I do have in my life from watching kids grow, age, and mature.

I can’t foresee what the future holds, what is in store for me, but I still have dreams. I am still content knowing not everything I dream is meant for me. But just like Alice in Wonderland reminds me, I will keep dreaming impossible things. I will keep moving. Keep moving forward.