The word “audacious” is not one that I keep in my everyday vocabulary. It has a time and a place, but for whatever reason I don’t pick it up off of the shelf to speak out loud. But during the month of July it has creeped into my life, and popped up in a variety of ways and places. It started in the form of a heated conversation. One I wasn’t prepared for, in the middle of an otherwise enjoyable day and enjoyable lunch. It was “audacious” that I believed what I did and felt the way I did. Blow number one
After that it started showing up in things that I read: poems, books, emails, devotions. And things that I was listening to: podcasts and radio programs. Less of a blow, and more of an inspiration. But the repeated presence was curious to me, it still is. Maybe the first blow was enough to make me recognize all of the places the word appears—maybe it’s not that it’s actually been more prevalent. Kinda like when you buy a new car that you haven’t noticed before, and you start seeing them everywhere. Either way it’s a word that is going to stick around for a while; for better or for worse.
I don’t think “audacity” and “audacious” are words most people use in everyday conversation. Well known words but not consistently used. But they will for sure strike an emotion in me moving forward when I hear them: a cringe, ever so slight. They will leave a taste in my mouth ever should I use them: like a vinegary morning breath. It’s funny how words can do this. Songs can do these. Smells can do this. Our brains are hardwired to make connections and forever use surroundings to serve as placeholders for memories good and bad. The mind fascinates me. And I’m thankful, most times, for these links it makes. Even when thoughts come flooding through that seem unwanted, I’m learning and embracing the fact that my past was, is, a part of me. Without it I wouldn’t be who I am. These memories and reactions to the memories are all just a small sliver of Shannon. And for that I’m thankful.