My life is led by poems, quotes, and song lyrics. As a creative, I identify with an array of artistry. Just one of those is the written or spoken word. Hence, this blog is very cathartic for me. I often think “this platform is for me, but if it speaks to someone else, that’s just a secondary positive outcome”.
Today is a hard day. A day sure to be filled with the gamut of emotions. Mom’s birthday is a wonderful day of remembrance–of all the things she was (is), of what she taught me (us), of her interactions and relationships with others.
It’s our third thanksgiving celebrating without mom. One while she was in hospice, two after she passed. That first year was the worst–but we had our family all together. The next two we graciously accepted the invitation of some of our dearest friends, family really. But this year is different. Mom’s birthday is Thanksgiving. It’s happened a handful of times over the years. So we come together as a family again this year. Part of me is sad not to be with our friends this year–but I know that this is what we all needed (in different ways).
There are many things to be thankful for this year. For biological family. For chosen family. For the growth 2019 has brought me. For actually feeling like an adult some days. This year has brought lots of realizations about who I am, who I want to be, and directions for the future. It’s brought new dreams, new connections, and new learnings. And I am thankful for all of it.
Mostly today I’m thankful for supportive and understanding people in my life. For those who reach out. For those who might not fully understand but still keep showing up. For those who don’t let the little things go unseen.
I miss you, Mama. Forever on my mind and in my heart. And though I said things to reassure you as you neared the end, as we spend time with Sweeps this week I get teary thinking of the things that you’ll not be here to enjoy with us. And that’s tough.
And so I’ll leave it with these lyrics. Today they feel all too real, and close to my heart. I love the Avett Brothers–today and most days.
Forever I will move like the world that turns beneath me
And when I lose my direction I’ll look up to the sky
And when the black cloak drags upon the ground
I’ll be ready to surrender, and remember
Well we’re all in this together
If I live the life I’m given, I won’t be scared to die