I haven’t posted in a little over a month. I’ve missed writing, but I have a long list of reason why it hasn’t happened. I’ve had ideas flood my head but just haven’t made it a priority to sit down and write them out. That’s on me. But I am hopeful to get back into a routine, to again make this blog a part of my self-care and my goal of being honest with the world.

It’s been a long and tumultuous month. There have been ups and downs, both in major and in small ways. I haven’t handled it all the most gracefully, but there is something to be said for bouts of messiness in ones life; in a strange way I think it makes living all the more real.

We had our annual Camp at the beginning of June. I was hesitant and tentative about this year. After 20+ years we decided that we needed to function out of a new site. This was more than two years in the making. It wasn’t an easy decision, not everyone was happy about it, and I am forever grateful to the long hours and diligent work our Camp Team put in behind the scenes. But the hard work and dedication of all involved truly paid off. We had a wonderful week at Pine Creek Camp. It quickly felt like home. And it was wonderful to fully embrace and feel the idea that Camp; much like Church; isn’t about the place, it’s about the people.

Fast-forward two weeks to a death in the family. This provided me the opportunity to reach out to my grandfather who has distanced himself from me over the last two years. It started positively, and I was so hopeful that we had turned a corner. I remembered fond times spent together as a family. And that was enough. However, it wasn’t long lived. I’ve come to realize that people need to live in their own realities, whether true or not. There isn’t anything that I can do to convince them otherwise, and I am tired of trying. I’m a strong believer in honesty and compromise. So I wrote a letter, sent it, and gave myself the gift of closure.

Sometimes it seems strange sharing pieces of my life like the one above. Because it gives away a little more of myself than I’d normal like to do. But I think there is a power in stories, in shared stories, in understanding where people are coming from and so I share, not always the entire story but the parts that feel right. Life is complicated and intricate–in wonderfully beautiful and awfully tragic ways. Today I am thankful for my experiences and how they have made me who I am. There’s a lot of hurt in this girl, but also a lot of strength.

I also have to brag that the same week that my dad’s cousin died my Middle School youth spent three days volunteering in the community where our church is moving. They worked at a food pantry, helped with games at a senior center, and did a work project at the Elementary School that will serve as our temporary home on Sunday mornings. Not everything went according to plan, by my kids worked through some hard lessons that were out of our control. #proudmommoment #notamom #proudYM

And now my High School youth head off to their mission trip tomorrow! And that closes out my month.