This came up for me twice yesterday, the first time I wrote myself a note. Habitual note taker here (insert emoji of girl raising hand). The second time I barely rolled my eyes and said “okay, I hear you”.
I consider myself a flexible person. It doesn’t always seem that way, though. Because I also live by structure. And so when things go topsy-turvy, sometimes I lose my cool. I admit it. But I am finding more and more that I have flexible tendencies even to a fault. My job requires me to be flexible. But often times in my need to be flexible I feel this pit in my stomach that I am letting people down, that I am making huge mistakes that could have been avoided, or that I have failed. Yup, probably one of my biggest all time fears is that I am letting people down/disappointing them/failing.
In the heat of the moment, when stuff hits the fan, I am generally level-headed, cool and calm, concerned but ready to jump in to help with the solution. That is when the situation isn’t related to home repairs–then I’m a little less level-headed, cool and calm. I think my ability to handle situations under pressure, and my response in disaster times make me a good leader. I am thankful for those qualities I have as a part of me.
But I am working to remind myself that being flexible doesn’t mean failure. Change doesn’t mean failure. Even failure doesn’t mean failure. It just is an indicator of a learning experience, a lesson, a way to improve and grow and be better. So I will endeavor to keep being flexible and not beat myself up about it. Because I’m not perfect. I am just trying to live the most genuine life I can.