Sometimes what you need is a break. Yesterday I didn’t post, at all. It was a busy, productive, rewarding day. And I chose to spend my energy elsewhere. I know I committed to posting every day during Lent. But this week I need to listen to my emotional and physical needs. As such, I don’t plan to post again until Holy Week. Too much time to myself is needed as we head towards the anniversary of mom’s passing. Introspection. Grace. Time for self. An energy assessment.
Give in to rest. It does not diminish you. It does not make you any less. Acknowledge what you need and be straightforward with where you are.
Me. It. Everything. All.
This never ending cycle. We keep living it. And the overwhelm circles back around.
Sometimes you need to listen to what your body and soul needs. And slow down. And take care.
**NOTE: The upload of this failed yesterday (booo). I didn’t realize it until this morning. Thanks, Tech. Youdda Best!!!!!!!!** Today is International Women’s Day. And so I feel like I should take the opportunity to do something related to that (I know, my birthday is National Margarita Day and I didn’t touch upon that, but I digress). I want to thank certain women in my life who have helped me in one way or another. Note: this is not an exhaustive list, just what comes up right now. Strong women are important, especially in the lives for girls and other women. And I wouldn’t be where I am without them.
- My mama, too many words to fully express what that woman has given to me over the years. I’ll stick with goofiness and tenacity and a heart for service.
- Aunt Nan, the lesson that experiences are so much better than physical things.
- Grammie, a love of sewing and knitting and crochet.
- D, for reminding me that no matter how many years go by I am always me (and can always be identified by my curly locks).
- M, the encourager of lifelong friends with those not my same age.
- E, one of my biggest cheerleaders from the earliest of times.
- S, that year on ASP together will always be one of my favorites.
- E, because even though our friendship was short lived, it was so necessary and essential in those moments.
- C, no one shares as much history as you do with me. I could either worry about this or relish in this. I choose the latter.
- R+D, my voice became my own, and became stronger because of the two of you.
- P, because no one loved my mama or our family the way you do.
- A, you have definitely seen me at my worst, and yet you stay.
- R, no one can match our crazy and our joy.
- S+S, the journey continues.
- A+S+W, sisters forever, even when we stammer.
- A, what an ebb and flow over the years but thankful we’ve found our rhythm.
- C, fateful connections and deep conversations and always showing up exactly as we are.
- B, the realest of the real.
- C, oh my…when did we become so normal? (We didn’t). Hahah.
- S+S, my forever people.
- MRJ, life is a struggle but you make it better.
- S+T, my little sissies. 🙂
Lent: Day 19?
I had the opportunity to be a part of a fellowship program in 2013. It’s one of the things in my life that I am most thankful for—it has helped me grow by leaps and bounds during that year but also every year since. Thanks to J, T, and M for their presence in that growth. But this fellowship has brought many wonderful people into my life (not just in my fellowship year). My two closest friends from that 2013 group, though, ironically have the same first name and both of them spelled non-traditionally.
My friend S is someone who is very different from me. If we had met at any other point in life I’m not sure that we would be as close. I know we would not have run in the same circles in high school or college—she’s way too cool for me. But at these stages in our adults lives (admittedly she’s older than me, as are most of my closest friends) we connect deeply. I can’t tell you what it is, but something about her makes me feel seen and heard and want to share my story in the most vulnerable of ways. I knew she was a kindred spirit early in our meeting of one another when we found ourselves paired for an activity and we were laughing LOUDLY at every little part of our interaction. I don’t remember the task at hand or what was said. But I sure as hell remember that laughter: that “belly hurts” you’re laughing so hard, that “I can’t breathe” kind of laughter, that “my humor and my joy is matched in this moment” type of experience. And this was the first of many many moments like this.
She makes me laugh a lot. She has my back. She wants the best for me. We’ve shared deep pieces of our lives that few people know, we operate from a place that is completely judgement free (and there are few people in this world I feel truly allow me to operate this way), we see each other on this really unique level. In the last 6 months (maybe 12?) we’ve reconnected and it has made life so wonderful. She has seen me through ridiculous dating stories. I’ve supported her through doing what is best for her own heart. She’s tried to set me up with men who are WAY TOO THIRSTY (or just too thirsty for me).
I am so thankful for the joy and richness she brings to my life. It’s a gift beyond words. And I’m eternally and continually grateful for her continued support and rallying behind me. Youdda best, S. I love you.
Lent day 18
Anxiety is real. It is. And it manifests in so many ways, friends. Be kind to your people.
Lent: Day 17
Audiobooks are a game changer. You can do other things while “reading”. Thank goodness for apps that let you rent them with your library card. This just made my drives more pleasurable. And my chores. And my walks.
Lent day (I dunno)
It feels like spring is finally starting to appear. But by bit. And so I’m purging things. Spring cleaning: physically and mentally and emotionally. Time to recenter.
Lent day 15?
Sometimes I forget that this is our life. That we’ve lived through what we have in the next year. Sometimes it feels overwhelming. Sometimes I forget. And then other times I watch copious amounts of medical dramas and I bawl—because as much as I’ve struggled and despaired, I see vividly how heavy it is and has been for medical professionals. Not that I didn’t know. But it’s different seeing it (not sure how to explain it). ((It also makes me want to apologize to a lot of people, a lot of people who deserve it but also don’t)).